I bet there’s been times in your life you just wanted to yell out to the universe “re-do!” And technically, we do get our “re-do” moments throughout life. We all have those scenarios and characters that appear to be on repeat in our life: that guy that we give our love to but treats us like shit, the job where you have that one coworker who merely talks and talks and you end up getting more and more work because s/he doesn’t do anything, or perhaps your constant running from good relationships when they get too close for comfort. Sometimes, it’s the good scenarios that play out too. It depends on what you’ve come to expect.
What expectations have you been programmed to accept in your life?
Perhaps, like me, you’ve had those moments of epiphany when you realize this and try to change the oft repeated negator in your life. And, what inevitably happens again? Uuuuggghhhhh. You totally did it again. Even though we have become aware of our magnetism to certain outcomes and try to change this with open eyes, we still end up with the same results.
Totally pisses you off, right?
I will say first off, I am most certainly NOT an expert at changing my repetitive cycles. However, I think there’s several key must-haves in garnering this change:
Awareness of what’s happening
- Obviously the easiest step, no? Acknowledging that you have a problem that you’re not working through properly is a great first step. But, you have a long way to go…
Incorporating changes into how you go about the situations
- Example: Relationships – instead of allowing another to choose you, pursue instead your chosen candidate; confront when you’re upset, instead of avoid; allow yourself at least 3 months before hopping into bed with them if you normally do it on the first date; give up trying to please them if all they seem to do is take
- Example: Career – confront that incessant talking coworker and say “no” to doing their job; ask for that raise you deserve; take online classes for or read voraciously about that field you actually wish to pursue; if you’re obviously in a dead end job, leave; figure out your skills and your worth
Analyze the root cause
- This is rather difficult really. You have to keep going back over your life to figure out what happened to make you come to conclusion of whatever is putting up that road block in front of you. Sometimes, it may not be the situation that you thought of and it may not even stem from your childhood (like is normally understood.) And, sometimes you might discover the original situation but not quite the “why?” This is partly because our understandings of situations are clouded by our feelings and partly due to time changing our perception of the original situation.
- Write everything down that comes to mind when you analyze these situations. Ask questions of every little aspect of your situations and take notes of everything that comes up. After you feel like you’ve exhausted your writing ability, set it aside for a week or a month. When that time is up, reexamine it. You’ll probably have those WTF?! moments and will be able to get to the heart of the matter.
Envision the Life you wish to live
- Create a vision board, Pinterest board, or write down all the details of everything you want in life. Include how you wish to feel, the colors you want surrounding you, the materials, all the little details you can think to add.
- Hang it with prominence or, if it’s on an internet site, visit it often for the reminder.
Doing things you’ve never done before and, perhaps, fear because you’ve never done them before
- If you’ve ever read self-help books, this one item is most likely not on the list and yet is probably one of the most important in getting the situation changed. Why is that? In able to change our perception of ourselves, it is imperative to do something that pushes into that fear of change, and, periodically, continue doing at least one new thing you’ve never done before every year, as a reminder. I can tell you with total conviction that the one thing that I did that was absolutely life changing and the best thing I’ve ever done for myself was to do that hike of 340 miles from PA to VA, all alone. Now, I’m not suggesting you do this, of course. However, we all have those items on our bucket list that thrill us when we think of doing them, hopefully. If you don’t, then you’re playing life way too safe. It doesn’t have to be skydiving, or rock-climbing, whitewater rafting class 5 rapids. It does have to place you outside of your comfort zone though. We are here to learn, expand, and grow, not play it safe. If you keep paying it safe, good luck changing those repetitive patterns.
- Possible life-changing bucket list must’s: improv, travel overseas solo, learn to surf, learn a new skill that you think you’d be horrible at, kiss/hug a random stranger, learn to skateboard, skydive, go zip-lining, give yourself license to say whatever pops in your head, learn a new dance, go skinny dipping, flying trapeze, rappel, rock-climb an actual mountain, have a book idea? write it and actually publish it, volunteer with an organization you hadn’t though about working with
Stop controlling everything and just let go
- With the help of #4, you can be well on your way to becoming more authentic, to remembering who you really are. With these damn repetitive scenes we play out, we lose confidence and we begin to tell ourselves lies about who we are. Finding our authenticity is the only option to creating a life we can respect and love for ourselves.
Do the tiny steps of change but take that added, fearful, step into greatness and, as always, be the awesomeness you are.