Let’s just get this out of the way, the ascension process…. it can really suck.
Two weeks ago I spent several days in complete despondency. I hid myself away, turned off my phone, and laid around watching movies but not connecting to anything I saw. Now, anyone who knows me knows this may be fairly typical of me – at least with the hiding away and turning off the phone – but the feeling was vastly different. This was a depression of complete loss, as if my world had completely left me and all that was left was a mere facade. I was dispassionate and bereft of a lifeline. When I lost my brother, it was gut-wrenching horrifying despair that I wish to never experience again but I still maintained an attachment to life and others around me. The depression I felt this time was devoid of that attachment, as if I was floating out in space and not able to grasp the solidity of anything that may have surrounded me. On the other hand, the one thing that did have some solidity was that it felt like I was taking in all the despair of the world, that it wasn’t truly my despair. But it had me questioning through most of it every choice in my life which I could have made a better one. It had me question whether or not the current passions and choices I was pursuing and making were worth it, valuable, and something that would bring true change of good to the world at large.
To be honest, I was scared I wouldn’t make it through it, even though it lasted a mere few days. But I chose to:
- acknowledge this as part of the process
- understand that what I’m trying to bring forth into the world will be of value to someone else, besides myself
- recognize that with the work I’m choosing to issue forth, it is meant purely to help raise the vibrational soul level of all whom it reaches and that, in itself, is worth the struggle
- realize this despair was not fully mine, if at all
- and, know that everything else that may not be up to par will come into alignment soon, as this darkness was an indication of the positivity that will issue forth
As we grow, and ascend to a higher vibration level, we will have moments like this. I suspect I will have more moments that will rival. They are intense in their quietude, create a desperation for a handhold on hope, and cause a confusion of concreteness versus that which is beyond our comprehension.
There has been so much information flow into my world in the last few months alone to cause confusion. Being able to digest information and allow for its legitimacy has been intense and perplexing as this information is scary and incomprehensible in its other world quality, lack of concrete evidence, and so out in left field “craziness” to our limiting human concepts. And, I suspect, I’ll be coming across even more such information in years to come as my spiritual world opens up.
The shifts that occur will change, advance, and cause confusion as to who you thought you were, what your perception of the world has been, and your concept of the… well, everything. You’ll wonder what is true and right. There are no answers but that it is all true and right, which is a concept I’m personally having trouble grappling with. I have always perceived myself as highly moral, having a pure, or somewhat pure, wisdom, if not knowledge, of that which is right and wrong, and yet, I find, I am questioning all that I believed morally. This concept goes back to my post on paradox. Everything in this life has an equal and opposite reaction, concept, understanding, and energy. Perhaps we may never fully understand it, in this earthly life. But, I can say that when we attempt to control anything, instead of just being our authentic selves – devoid of any outside beliefs and ideas, we are operating under false pretenses of the true nature of the Universe and all its many facets.
So, if you too have been experiencing the dark night of the soul, just remember, you will get through it and come out with a greater understanding of the possibilities of the Universe. You’ll know it as different from a depression you may have experienced before when the questions and revelations begin to come.
Yeah, and remember, when you’re at your darkest hour, your awesomeness will come again and shine brighter than before. This I promise you.